I wore pants to church on Sunday
Ever since I stumbled across Shannon and Brian's guest post at Times and Seasons, I have been wanting to wear pants (trousers, for any British English speakers) instead of a skirt or dress to church but I've been too afraid. I finally did it. Last Sunday I wore dressy black pants with a blouse. The shocker: no one said anything about it to me, nor did I notice any "looks." And this is in Orem, bastion of conservatism. What gets to me in the post at T&S is the story of the investigator who came to church for the first time in a pants suit but left and never returned when someone told her that a dress would be more appropriate. I'm speechless. For me it was not a negative experience. I think I'll have to wear pants to church again sometime. (But if my mother knew . . .)
posted by Heather P. at 12:23 AM
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21 Comments:
Bravo. I think brave people like you bucking the system is the only way things are ever going to change.
11/09/2005 1:24 AM
Gasp! ;)
Way to stick it to the man :)
11/09/2005 7:06 AM
Nice one. Now you should wear nice pants and flip flops and see if you get any looks :)
11/09/2005 8:24 AM
Heather rocks. I also am interested how it is only men who have commented...
:)
11/09/2005 8:32 AM
Hmmm, maybe I should wear a blouse and skirt to church on Sunday adn see what happens. :)
11/09/2005 8:51 AM
In a previous ward, we had a woman who regularly wore pants to Church. She also worked otuside of the home, so maybe people just thought she was quirky.
11/09/2005 9:25 AM
Thanks, you guys. Your support means a lot.
I do have some awesome yellow flip flops . . . :)
11/09/2005 11:36 AM
Well I will add a female comment! Way to go Heather. Ever since the same T&S post you mentioned, I have been psyching myself up for some pants wearing myself. I think it will be truly advantageous in the cold weather, so I have been waiting for a cold Sunday to come around. Thanks for the inspiration!
11/09/2005 5:02 PM
I've been in the nursery in my ward since we moved into it, so there's a lot of people I don't know. One woman brought her son to hang out in the nursery and stayed with him, I figured she was visiting someone or whatever. I noticed something was a little different about her, but it took me a long time to realize it was that she was wearing pants. Found out later she is an inactive member. Just thought it was funny that it took me an hour of sitting and talking with her to notice.
That same Sunday an investigator came to church, and we had two of her boys in the nursery. She was very young and had a skimpy, filmy, almost see-through dress on--sleeveless, you could see her bra, and it was obvious to anyone who glanced at her she was wearing thong underwear. Again, it took me awhile to realize what seemed different about her.
Maybe I'm just completely oblivious (and that's a distinct possibility) but I don't think people really notice much about what you're wearing, if you still look dressy. I have seen a guy at church with jeans, a white tshirt, a wallet chain, and tattoo sleeves. It made me really happy to see him there.
Sorry to go on for so long, but let me also just say that when I was a new convert, wearing immodest clothing without realizing it, the only people who ever commented on it were my in-laws.
11/10/2005 8:13 AM
Thanks for your comment, Katie. I too think that pants in the winter will be great!
Susan, I love to hear what you have to say. I think it's cool that what people wear doesn't matter to you. That's how it should be.
There's another anecdote on that T&S thread about a woman who didn't go to church for 10 years, even though she kept paying her tithing that entire time, because she couldn't afford a dress.
And I forgot about it when I put up this post and on Sunday itself, but I know someone, a sister of a friend, who quit going to church for a number of reasons, but one of them was all the people who chewed her out for wearing pants one cold Sunday when she walked to church. I don't like the judging.
11/10/2005 11:22 AM
In high school I had a really nice pair of slacks with a matching vest that I got for an orchestra audition (hard to wear a lot of skirts playing the cello).... Any how, I liked it so much that I wore it to church. And, being in high school, the family all drove to church separately. My mom was livid to see me in a pair of pants. I had never noticed all growing up that women NEVER wore pants to church and she made it clear how completely unacceptable it was. I was so embarrassed I couldn't bear to wear that outfit ever again (even outside of church). To my mom’s credit, I’m sure if I told her the story today she’d have a completely different memory of the incident (she’s very non-judgmental). I too think it would be nice if I could wear slacks to church and, attending a new ward, I may just have to spice things up!
11/10/2005 1:26 PM
Thanks for sharing your story, Anne. I should add that not everyone who thinks that pants are inappropriate for women to wear to church is necessarily judging the wearer of pants to be a bad person. But that girl I know had a really negative experience. And I don't understand why it should be unacceptable.
11/10/2005 6:23 PM
Good for you Heather!
11/14/2005 5:09 AM
I often wear pants to church just so investigaters in pants won't feel so out of place.
I also wear my Pakistani clothes, which is the loose shirt and baggy pants. I feel if we look monolithic and clickish people will be turned off by us.
Since we can wear pants (the ruling was changed about 20 years ago, wasn't it?) Why don't we?
11/16/2005 9:13 AM
In the US, I was always the only woman to wear pants on those freezing days in Washington, but here in Peru, a good percentage of the women wear pants, and non-bishopric guys are also less likely to wear suit jackets. I have yet to notice if the white shirt rule is still in place.
11/17/2005 4:00 AM
Carol, that's another reason - I noticed a couple weeks before this happened there was a woman in Relief Society wearing pants, but I haven't seen her since.
That's interesting, secretagentsnowman, that where you are in Peru pants on women are not uncommon.
I wore pants again today and last week. There have been some looks but no one has said anything. I think now that I've started I'll continue. Pants are more comfortable. And practical and warm in the snow. It's silly that skirts/dresses are practically required. Pants, Pants Revolution!
11/28/2005 2:36 AM
While I'm male and wear pants to church every Sunday, there was a while, early in my college career, when I would wear nice shorts and sandals to church. And this was in Thatcher, Arizona, a very small Mormon community. It was great, getting the looks I got.
Nowadays, I still wear sandals, except on snowy days. They are nice, dress sandals, not my everyday pair. I live in Orem, now, but I'm still an Arizonan at heart. I hate shoes.
Anyway, I used to get more looks and comments about my sandals, but finally, people are becoming more accepting. Or maybe they've learned that I'll keep rebelling in my small way.
But I haven't given up ties or white shirts, eyt. That's just crazy.
5/17/2006 12:16 PM
It is sad when people are judged for what they wear. I've seen more than one person turned off from the church because they didn't feel welcome. I wore my army uniform for a year in Iraq while I served there because it was the only clothing I had, Heavenly Father knew this and I felt at peace and grateful each Sunday to be able to Worship Him there with others who believed as I do.
We have a brother in our ward here that just started coming to church a few months ago and his only "condition" was that he could come in his coveralls and, of course, his home teacher and the Bishop were thrilled that he agreed to start coming no matter what he wore. He did so every week from that point and started to make many friends. No one every said anything or looked down on him for what he was wearing. Eventually, he started to wear some nice slacks and a nice sweater, not because someone asked him to, but rather becasue he wanted to. His wife started coming to church and was baptized as a direct result of his exmple. She could see the spiritual change as a reflection that happend on the physical side. There is a point in our lives where we come to realize that what we wear is a reflection of how we worship, why we worship and to whom we worship. We've been asked by our prophets/leaders to wear our Sunday best. It is on us to determine what that is, but when it comes down to it, we know what that is and whether we can afford it and when we are just trying to satisfy our own quirks or desires to dress differently or more "comfortably". Who are you trying to appease or impress, youself or your Heavenly Father? Where is your focus on Sunday?
Included in what is "Sunday Best" are cultural trends. Formal for us in the States isn't necessarily proper for someone in Asia or for even for someone in Brigham Young's day. In our Savior's time it was appropriate to wear sandals and robes and beards were condsidered the norm and proper. In our day, formal is considered a suit with a white shirt and nice tie and nice non scuffed up shoes and either clean shaven or at least a trimmed beard for males and a nice dress for females. It has nothing to do with whether you or I like it or not, that is just the way society is. It is a culteral thing. Whether you chose to conform to that or not is up to you as we all have agency, but again, the bottom line is being honest with yourself with the question "Am I wearing the clothes that are my best for when I go to worhip my God in His house??" Call me a tradionalist, but I think a good place to look for examples of what to wear is by looking at our Prophet and other church leaders such as the General Relief society President. When he or she starts wearing sandals and robes to church, you can blieve I'll go and purchase them the next week :)
The chapel is a holy place of worship and when we dress our best, we show our Heavenly Father the extent to which we go out of our way to make the Sabbath Day and going to His house special. When we get caught up in what others are thinking or in the attitude of "I'm going to wear this or that because I'm just more comfortable in it and I don't care what people think" you miss out on the focus of your worship. In a small way, our special dress is indeed a weekly sacrifice because it isn't quite a comfortable or perhaps as trendy to wear a hot suit coat or a dress as some shorts and flip flops, or even more so, nice clothes simply cost more; but it is through those small sacrifices that we show our Heavenly Father that He is worth our best efforts. That is why our chapels and temples are so beautiful and we spare no expense...not for us, but rather, it is a representation of our adoration for our Savior and God. When we take care of our body and dress it as though it is a temple, it truly is a small token of our love and respect for Him. So if I've been asked by my church leader to wear a white shirt, tie and suit if possible, that's not too much to ask to know I'm wearing my Sunday best.
7/23/2006 9:48 PM
The unspoken rule requiring women to wear skirts or dresses to Church is completely non-sensical in places like Utah.
I feel more comfortable in pants, look very dressy and professional in them (I'm an attorney, so this is what I wear to work and court), and do not get frozen legs.
Women are not objects, and the Church should not treat us as such. We, like men, are people too, and deserve to dress in a way that is respectful of the Lord and also of ourselves and our need to be comfortable, feel good, and feel nice and warm in our clothes.
I simply feel better about myself and my appearance in pantsuits, looking like a J. Crew model in my suits. Skirt suits make me look frumpy, and I hate them. I wish I had the courage to dress how I want to for Church because, since I'm required to dress in a fashion that I don't like for myself to wear or feel comfortable in, I hate going to Church these days. How a woman feels about what she is wearing has a great bearing on her confidence and her ability to give, emotionally, to others. I wish we could be perfectly acceptable in pants at Church.
About 20 or 30 years ago, girls and women at BYU weren't allowed to wear anything but skirts and dresses. Some people violated the rule, and eventually, it was changed.
My mother worked for the Church in the 60s when it was the rule that if you got married and were female while working at Church headquarters, you had to quit as soon as you got married. This was changed for my mother. Her boss saw that the rule served no purpose and didn't want to see my mother leave her employment once she married. He had this rule changed for her (and, resultantly, for everyone).
The fact that these and other non-sensical rules ahve existed in the Church, to limit women for no righteous or logical reason, demonstrates that (a) the Church makes mistakes, (b) the Church can be sexist in its decisions and policies, and (c) women and supporters of women need to claim their voice in the Church and stand up for what is right.
What is right is women claiming their right to wear whatever they want to wear as they, at the same time, strive to dress in a manner that is respectful of the Lord when they attend Church and enter the temple for worship, including wearing classy and modest pants.
11/27/2007 11:09 PM
What interesting posts...on an old subject that every generation has to look at. My first visit to the church I was wearing pants. The reason I was wearing pants was because the church I grew up in had already made all those great changes busting out of traditional Sunday Dress. And trust me, its gone downhill ever since then. Thankfully as I studied more about the LDS church I began to see they that truly stood for something, and their values and standards were more than just tradition, but were about respect and awe and reverence. A really handsome, cool, young adult male was the one who pointed out to me that my dresses were too short and too low. While it was slightly embarrassing in a way, I immediately set out to update my wardrobe to be modest for all the right reasons. Thankfully I was able to feel the spirit of his advice. To that point, I had never met a boy that wanted me more modest. I thought that was awesome and it felt right. I also began to dress more like a woman than before. Being Feminine isn't like becoming and looking like a man. Much of what we do or do not do, or wish we weren't doing, is based on our own personal relationship with the Savior and that ability to be humble. Like it or not, our LDS culture does have some mores. And though the church does change slowly, it will not change because some your "so called" feminist members gather the courage to wear pants to church. It's a mistake to think you are helping investigators by making them feel more comfortable wearing pants themselves. People are ultimately drawn to the church BECAUSE WE ARE NOT LIKE THE WORLD, and because we show love to them, not because we dress like them. Why not get to know them on other days than Sunday and show them some of your way cool outfits! Become their friend, not their stubblingblock!
I love being comfortable. That is why when I shop for Sunday clothes I look for comfort in style and fabric, and for shoes that are comfortable and cute at the same time. I actually think its sad the Brethren have had to speak up about footwear likely to be worn to the beach. I think its sad we had to talk to the youth about not wearing flip flops to the temple trips! Of course we need to be accepting and non-judgemental of investigators and new members. I see them changing as they learn by example. I have seen some leave because they simply didn't want a life that required them to change, and sometimes they used clothing as an example, when usually it was far deeper reasons. What would be sad to me is that those who have made covenants and been taught correctly and know to whom to look for examples are now wanting to turn the tables and be the examples for change in an opposite direction. To me that is about pride, and shows a little lack of understanding of bigger things and lesser things. Of course you can come to church in whatever you have...but when you do it to make a point, or to move the church in a direction of your desire, or to give others the nod of approval at non-conformist ...its a slippery slope sometimes. Our behavior and dress should point to the Savior, and should not be an attempt to draw people's attention to us on the Sabbath. Be lovely, be pretty, be nice. Consider your motives and what is really the focus of your devotion. There are ideas and there is truth. Be true!
You are setting an environment for your family to progress towards eternity. Make sure your focus is..focussed. It's easy to get off track, and sometimes to pull others along with us to make some point that is pointless. There is joy to be found , so be careful where you are looking for it.
2/09/2008 12:53 PM
the no pants thing is tridition. not rule what i dont get is the way some of the girls on this are sooo scared of what ppl think?? WHY???? did it take you so long to where pants?
3/01/2008 10:12 PM
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